The entire mental health and spirituality industry is dependent on you thinking that you do not have the ability to heal yourself or know what is best for you. I find these industries go hand in hand. One uses Freud and Jung and the other uses Rumi and the Dali Lama.
The hazard is that most of those who work in the spirituality field do it under the title of Life Coach or some derivative of that concept.
The hazard of the mental health field is they use general and incomplete ideas of human behavior to diagnose and treat individuals who rarely match what is in the book.
The idea that we have it within us to be our own healer is not a new one by an infinite shot. I say only you can truly heal you from the emotional wounds you may have. Here’s why.
While having another person to talk to in the form of cognitive therapy is a very useful tool and I feel anyone could benefit from cognitive therapy, the healing is done by you. Emotional healing is done by changing the way you view the event you have attached the emotions to. I look back at what I endured as a child being picked on as a lesson that words only hurt if you let them.
At times it should hurt. When you make yourself vulnerable to someone and they say something that hurts, it should. It should be and indicator to ask why they said it. At no time should we make a decision on how to view what is going on without asking the question “Why is this happening?”
The answers to that question will validate or justify the emotion we choose to apply to the situation. Frequently we react based on instinct. That instinct is a program that says “If this happens, feel this.”
Rarely do we actually investigate deeper than our initial reaction. We assume we read it and are reacting correctly based on our experience and little else. We are a shallow thinking people who prefer the instant gut reaction to doing the work and taking the time to think about it. Once we engage in the emotion we search to validate it because of the chemicals our brain releases with those emotions.
Dopamine is released by some emotional responses and adrenaline for others. We like dopamine and the adrenaline boost, so we hold onto the view that allows us to keep the emotional attachment to the memories alive. We look for people to agree with our choice of emotional attachment to enable us to hold onto our chosen view.
I once thought that using energy techniques, such as Reiki, that one could provide an emotional healing for another. I was wrong. What I discovered is the best one can do is temporarily relieve or remove the emotional pain, however as long as the view of what caused it remains, the emotional pain will and does return.
As I’ve said many times in life, perception is false reality and our choice of view creates that false reality that we lock ourselves into. No one can make you feel anything you do not choose to feel.
That does not mean that there are not legitimate reasons to feel sadness or anger. In life things are going to happen that because of who you choose to be, will cause you to choose to be sad or angry or happy or any other emotion. These responses are programmed by our experiences. What we have been told to feel about something can and frequently does result in us feeling what we were told to feel.
It was the film INCEPTION that introduced me to the idea that inception begins with anything we hear regardless of our state. Unless we summarily reject the concept for whatever reason at the conscious level to keep the idea from taking root as part of our instinctual response, the seed will be planted.
When we attempt to discredit a source, what we are doing is rejecting the validity of the information due to who we received it from.
Whether or not what was presented was true, we decided we didn’t like it so we discredited the source to keep from having to make any changes to what we think we know to be true.
In healing oneself from emotional pain, one must reject the idea that it is OK to still feel this way about what caused the pain to begin with. How long should it take before we engage in changing our view?
I would say it absolutely depends on the situation. Based on who we choose to be, somethings we may never let go of and for valid reasons most would agree on.
Think about a parent and a child separated from each other. It is perfectly normal and healthy for the pain of the absence of the other to build up and need to be released and dealt with. If the situation can not be readily resolved, no view is going to make a parent stop missing their child and vice versa.
There is a fine line between a healthy view to alleviate the long standing emotional distress tied to an event or situation in your life and being completely delusional.
In my estimation anyone who tells you that you should be happy about everything or that happiness is our natural state, is completely delusional or trying to sell you something as the film A PRINCESS BRIDE suggests. I have witnessed this as a disturbing trend in the Life Coach/Spirituality industry that I find psychologically damaging and disturbing.
I studied many professionals through the website Linkedin. For those with no experience with the site, it is supposed to be a professional networking website. It’s supposed to be a place professionals from a wide variety of industries can network and increase their business and exchange ideas of how to do what you do better.
I noticed among people using the Life Coach title or some variation there of, were all selling the idea of being happy about life no matter what happens and that they could show you how to do it.
I have tried it, it takes some serious delusional thinking to accomplish.
In my opinion after a few years having an active profile and attempting to build my own consulting business, I would say that Linkedin has failed miserably and it’s users primarily treat it as professional Facebook.
I don’t blame Linkedin. In fact the only problem I really have with the site itself, is due to the allowance of anonymous profile viewing.
Anyone who has ever been through the trauma it can be to have a stalker, is triggered by this behavior and Linkedin is unknowingly allowing people to experience harm by allowing this practice.
Many members have written articles published on Linkedin who share this view.
Many have posted status updates on this topic.
It has been discussed in the groups on Linkedin, including their largest group with over 500,000 members.
If someone is attempting to self-heal from a stalker occurrence in their life, this feature prolongs their suffering if they have chosen to try to network professionally using Linkedin. I have had more than one stalker in my life and I did have at least one using a fake profile on Linked in to stay in contact with me, that I know of currently.
The idea of having to set privacy controls on a professional site where you are trying to get the attention of people to conduct business defeats the purpose of having the site to begin with. This is why my social media home is beBee.com. When someone looks at your profile, you see who.
This one example of how where we choose to be seen does not mean that those we would not want viewing us, are not in fact watching everything we do. The idea of being watched is one that strikes everyone at the core. We like to think we have control over our lives. We like to think that only the ones we want looking are. We like to discourage the ones we didn’t want watching as if we have power over their choices.
I feel the only way to create a view that allows for healing from the trauma of a stalker is to just no longer care who sees what and simply do a good job of protecting yourself through your chosen behavior and expression of self.
Either accept they are always going to watch or change who you are in your expression to something that repulses them. The change doesn’t have to be a lasting one, but it must be authentic and consistent for as long as it takes for them to lose interest.
Your life as you have built it, may or may not allow for these kind of changes. I always tell people if they know who it is and have evidence, report it to the authorities and seek a lawyers advice on what your legal options are to remove this issue from your life. I will admit there are many other options and I have been a hypocrite in the past on this topic.
The emotional pain of a lost relationship is always difficult. It’s often easier to hate them and be angry than to forgive them and thank them for the time you shared. It takes time in diving within to see the lessons to be applied to future relationships to avoid a repeat of the experience with another human being.
If you are still doing the same things that resulted in the same things happening as a theme in your relationships, maybe you need to make some changes in how you view relationships. It’s the only way to have a chance at not reliving the same types of emotional trauma that can and do happen in relationships.
I have heard that the definition of insanity can be summed up as this. To do the same thing over and over again and yet expect different results. I don’t know or care who said it first, I’m just saying that I have seen it work flawlessly in my life.
Karmic Law says history will repeat itself until changed. If you keep doing the same things that bring the pain, that pain ain’t ever going to go away. As long as you hold onto a view that allows you to feel justified in being in pain, you will be in pain. All emotional healing is self-healing. While it is helpful to have assistance and at times a professional could be useful, I find a lot of it can be done on your own by simply being honest with yourself and accepting the truth.